Awesome

Well my last post was less than a happy one, thats changed. The last few days have been great probably starting on Tuesday (my last radiation for my hip) ever since then and I guess building up to it I was feeling better; I was getting out of that chemo funk. As I said since about Tuesday Ive felt great and it came to a peak last night at work. I was in the shop working not doing a show track. So my time was filled with stuff that I needed to get caught up on etc. But as the day moved along and I was out and about the theater I was overcome by this feeling of joy. One that I honestly can say I never felt before. It was as if my heart was going to burst out of my chest. I didnt know what to do, I was even overcome enough to have to step aside and let some tears out. And for those of you that really know me yes Im a cryer usually for sad stuff but this time was totally 180. It happened many times.

I called my brother Gary and told him how I was doing, told Jennifer as well on my break. I know being happy at work is one thing but I didnt know how to contain it I feel better now than Ive felt in a long time.

And I plan on keeping it that way.

I came to the conclusion of 1 thing, we all die. I may die in 2 years from this, I may die in 10 or 20. But if cancer wins it will only win the physical battle. NOT the spiritual or emotional battle.

The last 2 are under my control.

2 more chemos
Trip to Green Bay to see my Bucs with my Girl
pet ct in December CLEAN!!!!!
AND HAIR BY MY BIRTHDAY

THATS ALL FOLKS.

Life as I know it

Well this may come off as me complaining but its just a blast of how I see things a little differently now. First off eating, its not what it used to be all things considered I don’t really enjoy it as much as I once did. Its a necessary chore followed by a regimen of cleaning my mouth (which you should all do). No more eating in the car, or snacking whenever I want for no reason. What prompted this you may ask is that I was in walmart today and I looked around saw 3 or 4 people just walking and eating food like it was nothing. Now I don’t usually take my meals while shopping but you get my point. I cant do that anymore kinda sucks.

Talking Ive been going thru what seems a regression in my speech Im not sure why but Ive remembered to go back to massaging my face keep all that tissue loose which seems to help a little but communication with people that dont know me is avoided if possible. Please, thank you, have a nice day are about the long and the short of it. I still have to and probably will always have to choose my words carefully so as to make my point as quickly as possible to avoid prolonged conversations. (mostly cause I start to salivate and then spray) <– TMI? Sorry.

As for the rest of me its ok.

Let me update with medical stuff since I havent don't that in a LOOOOOONg time.

As some or most of you may know the cancer spread after they shot my free flap, it moved to my lung and chest. Then near the end of that treatment I had been dealing with a pain in my hip it turns out that the cancer moved from there to my hip. I finished the treatment for my chest and then moved on to treating the hip. The treatment for my chest was 37 or so radiations and 3 chemos. My hip treatment is 10 double shot radiations and 3 more chemos, currently I have 2 more radiations and 2 more chemos, the next is in 2 weeks and then 3 weeks after that. ]

The reason for the double shot radiations is that its right on the bone, thats right ON not in, about a 3cm lesion. It wasn't giving me any pain but now its more like an awareness a tire that you don't need to change but youre not gonna take any sharp turns on that side of your car. My rad Dr said that max pain relief should take place about a month after treatment and then the bone will start to heal itself. As far as exercise on it Im limited to walking (which is fine).

My next PET-CT is not scheduled yet but should be done sometime early December.

So I guess you know whats in my letter to Santa.

As for my appearance well if you knew me in high school thats about what I weigh now Im bouncing around 230 depending on the chemo week but 225 is the lowest Ive dropped. And Im bald, my hair on my head was looking very "zombie" and sickly looking so I took the plunge and with Jenns help shaved my head bald. Everyone except Scott seems to like it aside from my large ears I do have a nicely enough shaped head to pull it off. The upside is I get to wear my Bucs stocking cap to keep my head warm.

OK Im out.

Mike

Fog on the Horizon

We’ve all had headaches, some minor, some major, some that wreck your day and some that are self induced through over indulgence. The one thing they have in common is that they seem to take you just off your mark just a bit, for example if your a ball player you swing the bat just a little behind everything is delayed by just enough for you to notice but for those around you they may or may not depending on the severity.

Well the chemo seems to do something similar, the only way I can describe it is that whatever Im doing short of pushing myself is all I want to do, sitting in my chair thats fine, laying in bed fine too, no need to change so why bother. Its a game between my mind and body, this drug is running interference between the two. Eating is a chore just forcing the food down my brain knows its necessary buy body could not be bothered.

Most common tasks are done strictly from muscle memory, bathing, dressing, driving etc. I think that new task that I undertook would take some time to “get”. Luckily I lead a pretty routine life, just like the title says “fog on the horizon” I know what I have to do, my perception of things is dimmed just enough that I slow down and have to think sometimes about the what where and why of the task at hand. Its a weird feeling its as if part of my self-awareness has been taken or overshadowed. I hope this is some in site into how things are with me at least in my head. Im over half finished with radiation and one more chemo on the 9th. Then I wait 2 months from last radiation to get scanned again.

Thanks to all of you that are reading all 5 of you.

Mike

Staying the Course

Tired

Well I had my second chemo on Friday, its Monday and I did have the smarts to get a 4 day weekend so in the words of Mr Burns “If you don’t come in on Friday don’t bother coming in on Monday” Thats a Simpsons Joke so one of the 2 of you may not get it

Im tired, not really that tired where you sleep for 9 days in but that fatigue tired that makes you not wanna do shit.

Its a little weird Ive gotten a few likes to one of my previous posts the “I know RIGHT” post. Im not sure who they are but thanks if you tune into this episode of Mike’s kickin Cancers ass its not to exciting or colorful as the aforementioned post but I think I should be able to crank these out with a bit more regularity I just received my bluetooth keyboard for my ipad which really gives me litle or no excuse to not post since I can now type at full speed. (one of my few skills).

I know most of you are thinking why would you need a keyboard with an ipad well A it was on sale half price and B the virtual keyboard is ok but for anything more than a few sentences its cumbersome to say the least. So far I give it 5 Stars of 5, and yes I realize that carrying my ipad wrapped in the otter box case and this keyboard is roughly the weight of my laptop its silly but hey the price you pay to be cool and trendy.

As for my health I have most of my hair but its definitely gotten thinner my Bucs ball cap helps to cover most of the ugly, its pretty scraggly and sickly without the hat, I had plans to buzz it this weekend but clearer heads prevailed, when I start seeing more hair in my hat Ill bust out the clippers.

I soldier on.

Stay the Course.

Talk to you all soon.

Mike

Chemo 1 radiation 1 and done

Well my 1st day of radiation was delayed and but my chemo went well. Had my first radiation today, this is much easier this time, no mask just a preform for my head and shoulders my hands are over my head its much more comfortable and less confining. The chemo was painless I had a nice nap once the benedryll kicked in, Jenn had just left after bringing me some lunch, I was settling in to Netflix a movie and my head got heavy. “Nurse may I have a pillow?”. Two hours later I’m very relaxed and was outta there shortly after that.

I had a good workout today, no side effects from anything. I’ll keep you all posted both of you.

Mike

I know RIGHT?!?!?

Have any of you ever been at a bad movie?  Of course we all have our options there are sit thru get your $9 worth out of it or leave.  Ive never walked out of a movie, I have wanted to but never have.  Im stuck in one now, cant leave I have two hired goons on either side of me giving me an unlimited supply of  Goobers, popcorn and cherry coke but I cant leave.

Ive recently had a pet/ct and it seems Mr Cancer is back, he never really left.  It has moved from my head and neck to a spot in my right lung and on a lymph node in the middle of my chest near the other spot.  I know most of you are thinking  WTF Mike?!?!?!? and I would respond, “I know right?!?!?”

It sucks I know, but enough of that mushy crap.  Here’s the plan, I start the 25th of this month, Monday with chemo and radiation.  Ill get 37 doses of radiation performed daily M-F and the chemo will be delivered in 3 treatments 21 days apart so basically this will all be completed in about 42 days for chemo (but those effects linger a few days) and On Sept 13th for the last radiation but the effects from that linger as well.    A new pet ct will happen 2 months after that.

As for my plan, Im gonna keep painting my damn house and re-modeling as much as I can, eat right, hit the gym and rest.  At this point Im tired of cancer dictating to me what I can do and besides Im tired of looking at white walls.  The upstairs bathroom came out great, Bethany is one helluva painter.

Ill keep you posted with any news and updates.

Thanks for listening and reading this thing

Mike

 

Stay the Course

Ive been struggling with this for awhile; as I talk to friends and family I get praise about how great and strong I am,the exact words escape me.  I was taken aback at first and then finally realized that I should say something, the only words I could come up with are “thank you”.  But it happens all the time and Im humbled by the words but still it bothers me not in a bad way but the thought of it isnt quickly dismissed.

The closest thing I can compare it to is an artist, lets say a piano player.  Maybe youre good at that because of hard work, practice, influenced at a young age, total immersion or all the above.  Then you go on stage and play and friends, family and fans heap praise upon you, but thank you is all you can say.

I guess as with anything you reap what you sow, most days I get up go to therapy, the gym constanlty massage my face, I wear riduculous head gear at night and tape on my face. I have speech exercises that I do but not enough and Im eating better.

Its hard work, exausting work.  All my Dr’s, Nurses and therapists say Im a great patient, its a compliment but I can think of many other things at which to be great.  Its all high praise and as I said before Im humbled by it and often left speechless.  Since Ive been sick Ive heard many stories about people giving up, I guess Im not wired that way, I look at it as a task that must be done and Im the one.  I remember when my son was born I was there as was my father, I asked him where he was when I was born he answered as if there was no other answer “at work”.

Fighting Cancer is a task given to one person, they must lead the way, make tough and easy decisions, change their lives to fit the new mold but there is one phrase that sums it all up.

Stay the Course.

I will leave you with this one last thought, in the movie Saving Private Ryan Tom Hank’s character is mortally wounded, he looks up at Private Ryan and says two words “earn this”.

Ask me in a Year

Ask me what you say?  Well the questions I get are too many to list but they all share the same answer.  I guess thats when I get many answers that I want.  My goal is 1 year from surgery and then one year from end of treatments, then 2 then 5 years.

On the healing front Ive taken the bandage off my leg its not too pretty but healed up enough for me, the swelling in my neck and jaw seems to go up and down from the radiation cant wait for it all to go down so I can see the mug I get to see in the mirror.  Other than that Im well.

Im currently getting infused now its the start of my 5th week, I have this week and then next then Im finished.  I want to get back to work and get back to working on the house, painting and getting back to the gym…in short getting back to life.

Mike

 

St Pattys Day

Hello all

Im sorry for the lack of posts, not much going on really well a little.  Currently Im almost finished with week 3 of 6 of radiation.  My mouth is sore in a few p laces making eating a challenge and I seem to be a bit more tired than usual.  Im complaining quite a bit here but I think Im starting to get a bit cabin feverish, Im ready to get back to work.    Work work work.

I need a green beer right about now.

 

 

Week 1 over

Hello All

I apologize for the lack of posting, but you would think a guy that sits home all day except for treatments would have oodles of time on his hands; my days are surprisingly full.

First off as the title says week one is over, Ive been through 5 radiations 25 to go and 1 chemo 5 to go.  I got a port put in my right arm its about 2 inches above my right elbow on the inside of my arm.  Its basically a pipe within a pipe allowing them to put the chemo medicine right near my heart thus saving my veins and allowing the medicine to get distributed.  Think of it like the from the movie the Matrix those nubby things that were on their skin but this is just below the skin, its like I have a button under my skin.  Its a little irritating but not nearly as much as the feeding tube.  The Radiation treatments are much the same as before, I’d refer you to my previous posts “take a look thru my eyes part 1 and 2”.

My mom is back home for a few weeks to get a break from Vegas, see her doggies, dad (I think he’s tired of his own cooking).   She’ll be back for the later part of my treatments, regarding that the Dr’s said that I tolerated the first bit of chemo so well that I should do great this time since this medicine is even better tolerated.

I dont have much else to talk about, Im trying to stay busy and active.

Later PEEPS

Mike