This Be the Place

In Phoenix Day 1

Well I made it here, its a nice room like a college dorm, but theres a kitchenette, couch, desk and a KING size bed.  

My appointments start at 7am tomorrow and I just read the email Ill get the rest of my schedule after that.

Met some people at the jacuzzi, two patients and their husbands they had nothing but high praise about this place.  Im encouraged by this.

Thanks Jenn and Mom for getting me here.  Not much to say since nothing has happened yet.  

Talk to you tomorrow.  

I am

I am a man I’m 42 years of age
I am a Tampa Bay Buccaneers Fan if you have a problem with that MOVE ON!!
I am a man that has 2 children both of which Ive witnessed their birth
I am a man that has made mistakes
I am someone that has passion about a great many things (gadgets, technology etc)
I am a man that is in LOVE with a woman that I still dont feel I deserve
I am a father of 2 of which I cannot give enough be it wisdom or material things but having to choose I choose wisdom
I am gifted God has reached down and touched me with the gift of mixing music
I am from time to time an asshole a complete jerk for that I cannot apologize sometimes but its just who I am
I am a cancer patient
I am to that end a fighter, because I will not let it beat me
I am the son of a mechanic and a nurse
I am the brother of a carpenter and a sister of broad talent
I am a giver
I am strong
I am a great many things for good or for bad
I am mortal as are we all
I am a person that loves comedy because I believe if we arent laughing at something we arent alive

I will digress from this for just a moment there is one time in my life that I recall my father laughing out loud without restraint. There was a Blonde movie on and something happened and Dagwood I guess ran out the door and flattened the mailman who was at the door under the door, my pops was laughing out loud slapping the arm of his LAZY Boy recliner (my folks only buy the best Lazy Boy). He was alive with laughter, almost on the edge of tears. I mean he was ROTFLMAO before ROTFLMAO was cool. (rolling on the floor laughing my ass off). I think that added 20 yeas to my dads life. I still dont know what movie that was.

I am not done living I have much to live for and people that arent born yet.
I am
I choose to live
I am a person that says “FUCK YOU Cancer”
I am a person that has worked to hard to let you (cancer) win.
I am a person than that has a new perspective on life the little shit doesnt bother me quite as much

I am a man that defines friends a little different, I have fewer friends that I have fingers, in other words not just anyone gets into this club I may be an asshole but I have standards Doug, Julie, Evie, Scott, Aaron, Keith (lifetime members) Will, Will, Richard, Matt your in.

I am done with this post, if you want more tune in tomorrow I may or may not post but there will be more

I am blogging at 448 am, and I think I need to goto bed.

why is all the RUM gone?????

A Blogging I will go! Pre NYE post Xmas update

Well Christmas was good, very nice Mexican style cuisine tons of leftovers but I think that by now my kids have polished off what Jenny gave us and were back to normal food. I want to give everyone an update..

Well after completely dropping the ball for me to go to the CTCA (cancer treatment centers of America) this week. ( I was not happy ). Anyway Im set to fly out Monday and stay at the latest till Friday but I do have to work Friday so Friday will be a long day.

My first appt will be Tuesday at 7am. And the rest get scheduled based on that….

I had a phone interview/intake at 945am I was exhausted after this and really wanted to go back to bed. It had what I felt were some necessary questions and some of the most insipid questions ever. I was close to calling it till the nice nurse on said 3 to go.

Thats really the update. Not much else, Im trying to get out and exercise but I find myself giving myself excuses or otherwise being extremely lame about the whole thing, I guess I need just get up feed cats and go take a walk before my scrawny ass hits the chair cause I dont wanna get up after that. I bout Bethany and I one of those Nike things that you put in your shoe that tells you how far youve gone and some other stuff, I have to download the app and play with it on my iphone and then Ill have more details.

Coffee, well Im advancing my coffee drinking to the point of considering maybe buying one of those Keruig things but want to wait till I can do a coffee 2 creams 2 sugars and not wanna spit it out. Right now Im doing the eggnog latte’s and having them add more coffee base and less eggnog (BUT I LOVE EGGNOG). Im getting used to the taste. I dont want to get addicted so thats why I havnt bought one. But there will be sales coming up Im sure. Those things make great tea and other drinks.

The kids are well, Bethany is in the process of starting a business hand made beanies. I got her the looms for Christmas and she’s cranking those things out as fast as her little hands will let her and as fast as she can get to the fabric store to get more yarn. I think its great, she cant find a job so start a business. Keep all the money$$$$ Buwhahahahahahahaaaha!!!! <—- ( evil laugh). Tomorrow gonna get her setup with a paypal account and theres a website she'll be selling it thru.

Im feeling good, trying to get my back loose and keep it loose its sometimes a challenge but I get there and as I said if I just get up an get out it will be better for me. I hope the hotel at the CTCA has a gym or hot tub or both would be nice. Just need to get this old body back in motion.

Ok Im rambling.

More updates, well at least one before I leave and then Ill do a daily blurb after each day fresh from the probing, prodding, sticking and scanning. So all the news is fresh. I figure if the offices are close enough to the hotel I could just walk over in slippers and a bath robe save me time changing.

Later.
Mike

Merry Christmas

Hey Good morning everyone, Im sitting here kids asleep Erich worked all night and Bethany was uplate doing facebook or Sims or something home safely either way close. Earlier last night we had dinner with Jenn and Joyce, I had the golden shrimp the sauce made the dish it was a spice sweet Hawaiian sauce a little spicy for me or maybe it was the heat from the stove that made it seem hotter either way it was good. Would make for a good marinade (they kinda skimped on the skrimp for a $14 plate I want big ass skrimp or a bunch of mediums. Holy crap Im rambling about shrimp.

Well its quite here on our little homestead, I like our little house everyone has their space and its cozy enough in the common areas.

I remember when I was looking for houses I carried a couple for fortune cookies with me, one of them said “All of your hard work will soon pay off”. And in time it did, got a pretty good deal on this place, got the government rebate thing (fell into that window). And its an awesome house only 2 things about the house that bug me still, the laundry room is downstairs. All my clothes and sheets a towels are upstairs, and the backyard is kinda small.

I guess what Im focusing on is hard work, all my hard work has paid off but life is funny you often get your hard work rewarded with more hard work. Not that Im mind, it keeps ya busy and you sleep well cause your usually tired as hell, I know that this next year is gonna be full of hard work for me, getting back into giging, getting back in shape, re-learning stuff. Letting go of things moving forward. I know that most if not all of you know what hard work means. Sad most of the newer generation dont, but the minute they do 1 day of it they are wiped out, forgetting that there are 4 more days left in the work week……I feel no pity for them

The other fortune cookie that I still carry with me, I have it taped so I see it every time open it. Its message is simple

If you continually give.
You will continually have.

Merry Christmas everyone.

(I cant improve on that)

Shadows

Im bald I have virtually no eyebrows, no hair on my head. I see myself in the mirror and the only thing I recogonize is my eyes. But only if I look hard…..Im a shadow of my old self…..I know Im under there, Old pics of me only drive the point home. But I hold on to the day when I have a head of hair again I have to shave, trim a mustache or maybe even a modified beard without looking to, well without looking strange (r)

I want that light that shines on others to shine back on me again, but in time I long for those normal boring days of being just another schlub in the crowd with no real substantial reason to complain or be unhappy.

I usually wake up to a cough, which sends my back into knotted up mode (and it hurts). So I go from that asleep wakey feeling to wide awake and in pain, its only about a 6 but enough to wake you up like it or not. Last night I slept well and then slept another few hours in my comfy chair, from my girl Jenny. I actually went into work feeling fresh and awake. I need to get it in my schedule to get that sleep. I need.

Im not sure whats driving me at this point. I was telling Jenn today that I push myself at work, see we have tons of stairs there and normally I could fly up and down but now 3 floors of stairs damn near kicks my ass. And doing 2 steps at once is…well taxing but I do it. Have to tell my self with every step “every step makes you stronger” I stretch, do wall or incline pushups during the show to build up my now scrawny arms, theres a pull up bar on the 4th floor but all I do from that his hang to stretch. I need to get under that thing and show it whos boss.

Its 224am 12-24-2011………….Im done talking………..are you done listening?

Thanks to all 3 of my readers…….I assume its gotten good thus I took the liberty of adding 1 more reader.

Cancer sucks……..I dont recommend it

I have to complain about something……I work 2nd shift 3-11…..and my coworkers and I keep odd hours……but they yawn all day long………..I know its not on purpose and its totally innocent but theyre great I love them like brothers but they dont know tired……I know tired…….and when you stay up that late you get what the hell you get.

Ok Goodnight all 3 of you. Of course youre reading this on the 27th of December.

Merrry Christmas

Mike

I want a Mac Laptop for Christmas if anybody with the cash lying around wants to be generous. My laptop is 5 years old still working but being totally materialistic thats what I want. Just send the cash Ill get the most bang for your buck I promise to get every ounce of value for your buck.

CTCA are you out there……….Margo……….???

Well Im supposed to go to CTCA (Cancer Treatment Centers of America) on Monday but they never called to setup flights n stuff. I have to call them and hopefully get it setup. And this is the perfect time cause I only have to delay my treatment with NVCI (Nevada Cancer Institute) a little over a week.

I hope the don’t disappoint tomorrow

Mike

Ill be in Phoenix for 4 days

More later.

Holiday Update part 2

Well the pet-ct results are in, it wasnt as good as expected, so I wont dwell on that and get down to the details.

Good news the stuff in my lung and hip aren’t lighting up so thats good. I do have 3 spots one on my T12 vertibre one on my left rib and and one spot up by my left sternum. I dont know the size of them the report didnt indicate that.

The plan Dr Manno wants to treat it with (Drug #1) I didnt write it down Sorry. But anyway Drug 1 is designed to stop the metabolic progression of the cancer, its designed specifically to target my type of cancer. The treatment is an infusion, the first dose is about an hour subsequent doses take about 15 minutes. It will be given weekly for about 3-4 months. If effective he wants to put me on a oral maintaince drug to keep the cancer suppressed and hopefully into remission.

Again, apologize for the lack of the medication names.

As for now I feel good its been 3 weeks since chemo and Im starting to get back into shape, gonna start hitting the trail and getting back to my old self. Should start getting hair back in a few weeks, I tried growing it out but its still to scraggly-zombie-esk to be presentable in public.

Almost forgot going next week to get fitted for some choppers (teeth) I wont really be able to eat with them because as it was explained to me the jaw bone is designed to take pressure from side to side like squeezing a pipe, the leg bone they put in my jaw to rebuild isnt it actually never bore weight in its original function. Its just a place holder there. So the dentures will help my speech and appearance. So Ill be a little more apt to smile when camera gets pulled out.

As soon as I know the drug names Ill post them and have links so if your really bored you can read up.

Ill try and post a little more often.

Happy Christmas

Mike

Fat Cat in Lap

Holiday update

Well I know its been awhile and I apologize for that. Well today is 3 weeks from my last chemo treatment. Physically my body is in “holy crap” mode, even the little things are a chore but Im pushing thru. Ive been meaning to get back to the gym which I will do but …. I have no excuse so I wont bs you guys.

I wasnt able to go to Green Bay because of severe back pain the morning of and thus sadness was plentiful. Long story short after a short stint in the ER and a night in the hospital a cat scan revealed that the cancer had moved to my back, specifically my spine L1 T11 vertebrae. Again like it was on my hip its on the bone not the bone. They also found I have 2 discs that are pushing out, add that to the list of stuff to rehab. All in all I feel good, I feel that Im a little ahead of the game, still behind but closing the distance is a better way to put it.

We (Jennifer and my mom) made the phone call I wouldnt make, to call and get info from the Cancer Treatment Centers of America. Theres an facility in Phoenix that we can goto. All the paperwork has been sent in were just waiting to hear back. They have to get all my records from all my Dr’s and then compile and I go see them and get evaluated. I like the idea that the all the Dr’s are under one roof working as a team not one Dr over here Dr over there.

Tomorrow I get results from the PET-CT I had last week to get a full picture of things, from there we make plans. ETC..yadda yadda.

All I can say is this my friends and loyal readers (both of you). Im not quitting I really feel like Im too close to beating this down and get on with my life, so much of my time energy and resources have been consumed by it.

Its the little things it takes, that add up, thats what eats away at you. The big stuff is easy to deal with. I know it sounds silly but its true.

Ill post again tomorrow with the results after we see the Dr.

Have a good one.

Mike